Resource Library
Lightening Your Mental Load
Notice the invisible work you carry.
What Do You Actually Want?
Separate your wants from expectations.
The Boundary Check-In
Look more closely at your yes and no.
What Can I Say?
Simple words for difficult moments
Sometimes you know exactly what you feel, but not how to say it. These are starting points for real-life moments when you need a few clear words. Use them as they are, or make them your own.
They won’t control how someone else responds. They can simply help you say what you mean more clearly.
When you need to say no
- “I can’t take that on right now.”
- “That doesn’t work for me.”
- “I won’t be able to help this time.”
When you need time before answering
- “Let me think about it before I answer.”
- “I don’t want to say yes before I know whether I mean it.”
- “I’ll get back to you.”
When you’re being interrupted
- “I’d like to finish what I was saying.”
- “Give me a moment to finish my thought.”
- “I listened to you. I’d like the same space to finish.”
When someone comments on your body
- “I’d rather we didn’t talk about my body.”
- “I’m not looking for feedback about my weight.”
- “Let’s talk about something else.”
When someone gives advice you didn’t ask for
- “I know you’re trying to help, but right now I need you to listen rather than solve it.”
- “I’m not looking for advice at the moment.”
- “I need a little space to figure this out myself.”
When you need help
- “I can’t manage all of this myself. Can you take care of ___?”
- “I need help with this.”
- “Can you take responsibility for this part?”
When someone is disappointed by your decision
- “I understand that you’re disappointed. My decision is still the same.”
- “I know this isn’t what you wanted.”
- “I’ve thought about it, and this is still what I need to do.”
When you’ve changed your mind
- “I know I said yes before, but I’ve reconsidered.”
- “I’ve thought about it again, and I need to change my answer.”
- “I’m no longer comfortable with what I agreed to.”
When you don’t want to answer a personal question
- “I’d rather keep that private.”
- “I’m not ready to talk about that.”
- “I’d prefer not to get into that.”
When you need to end a conversation
- “I don’t think continuing this conversation right now is helping.”
- “I’m going to stop here.”
- “I’d rather come back to this when we can talk more calmly.”
TRY THIS
Small things worth trying, just because
Not everything has to become a habit.
You don't need to do these every morning, track them for thirty days, or turn them into another thing you're supposed to be good at.
Pick one that catches your attention. Try it once.
See what happens.
Leave one thing undone.
Choose something that doesn't really need to happen today—and don't do it.
Notice: Does anything actually happen? Or is the hardest part simply allowing yourself to leave it?
Take a walk without filling the silence.
No podcast. No phone call. No music in your ears. Just walk.
Notice: Where does your mind go when nobody else is talking to it?
Say “Let me think about it.”
The next time someone asks you for something and your automatic answer is yes, don't answer yet.
Notice: Does your answer change when you give yourself a little time?
Do something you're not good at.
Play an instrument. Draw something. Dance. Try a recipe you've never made. Speak the language you're still learning. Don't try to improve. Just do it.
Notice: Can you enjoy something without needing to be good at it?
Sit somewhere else.
Drink your coffee in a different chair. Eat lunch outside. Sit on the floor. Take your book somewhere you've never read it before.
Notice: What do you see from there that you don't usually see?
Ask one more question.
When someone tells you something today, resist the urge to immediately tell them about the similar thing that happened to you. Ask them one more question instead.
Notice: What do you learn when you stay with someone else's story a little longer?
Don't explain your no.
Say “I can't this time.” And stop there. No invented appointment. No long explanation. No case for the defense.
Notice: How much of the discomfort comes from saying no—and how much comes from not explaining it?
Call someone.
Not because it's their birthday. Not because you need something. Not because something happened. Just because you thought of them.
Notice: How different does a voice feel from a message on a screen?
Put your phone somewhere inconvenient.
Not forever. An hour will do. Leave it in another room while you cook, read, garden, watch a film, have dinner, or sit outside.
Notice: How often do you reach for it without deciding to?
Ask for one specific thing.
Not “I could use more help around here.” Try: “Could you make dinner tonight?” “Can you call and make that appointment?” “Could you take care of this from beginning to end?”
Notice: Is asking for something concrete easier or harder than hoping someone notices?
Wear the thing.
The dress you keep saving. The earrings that seem like too much for an ordinary Tuesday. The shoes you bought and hardly wear. The good perfume. Today is already an occasion.
Notice: What exactly were you saving it for?
Do something slowly on purpose.
Peel an orange. Make coffee. Water the plants. Chop vegetables. Brush your dog. Fold a towel. Don't multitask. Don't make it mindfulness. Just don't hurry.
Notice: What does rushing normally add to the experience?
Change one tiny thing you always do the same way.
Take another road home. Order something different. Move a chair. Listen to music you've never heard. Walk in the opposite direction. Nothing life-changing.
Notice: How much of your day happens because you've chosen it—and how much simply because that's how you always do it?
Let somebody do it differently.
If you've asked someone else to take care of something, resist correcting the way they do it simply because it isn't your way. Unless it genuinely matters, leave it alone.
Notice: Do you want the help—or do you want the help done exactly as you would do it?
Do something that has no useful outcome.
Read ten pages. Play the piano. Look through old photographs. Make something nobody will see. Sit in the sun. Listen to an entire album.
Notice: How quickly does the part of you that measures usefulness show up?