Happiness Isn’t Just a Candlelit Bath: Redefining Joy Through Purpose
When you picture happiness, what comes to mind?
A peaceful bath with eucalyptus oil and soft music playing in the background?
A steaming cup of coffee in your favorite mug?
A sunny vacation, maybe, or a few hours of well-earned rest?
These moments are beautiful. They matter. But if that’s all we think happiness is, then no wonder it feels so fragile. So fleeting. Because sometimes the bath gets interrupted. The coffee goes cold. The vacation ends.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about this. About how the world talks about happiness like it’s a feeling we can manufacture if we just buy the right journal or take the right supplements or download the right meditation app. I’ve done all those things. You probably have, too.
But the truth is, happiness isn’t just a mood.
The Shrinking of Happiness
There was a time when happiness wasn’t just about how you felt. It was about how you lived. How you contributed. How you showed up in your community. Ancient philosophers like Aristotle called it eudaemonia — not pleasure, but flourishing. A life of purpose, virtue, connection.
Somewhere along the way, though, we shrunk happiness. We boiled it down to feelings. To individual pleasure. To hedonic spikes we chase in 15-second reels or retail therapy binges. That shift didn’t happen all at once, but over centuries—especially during the rise of consumerism and the modern self-help movement.
I’m not against self-care. I’m all for warm baths and deep breathing. But let’s not confuse recovery with joy. Let’s not confuse escape with flourishing.
Real Joy Has Weight
The kind of joy that lasts doesn’t always look picture-perfect. It looks like checking in on a friend who’s struggling, even when you’re tired. It looks like doing meaningful work, even if it’s not glamorous. It looks like listening to your kids when you’d rather scroll.
It looks like saying no to easy and yes to what matters.
I think of women I know who are quietly holding their families together, caring for aging parents, showing up at school meetings, starting community groups, mentoring younger women. They may not always feel "happy" in the moment, but they're deeply rooted in something bigger than themselves. That’s joy. That’s purpose.
My Own Shift
There was a time when I believed happiness would come once I achieved something big. Once I wrote the book. Once I lost the weight. Once I finally "got it together."
But the real shift happened when I stopped chasing a feeling and started investing in what gave me meaning. Writing stories that matter. Sharing what I’ve learned. Listening to women. Raising sons. Choosing integrity over perfection. Choosing presence over performance.
That’s not to say I don’t fall into the trap of small happiness now and then. I do. We all do. But I’m learning to stretch joy wider. To make it about how I live, not just how I feel.
What We Can Do
If you're feeling like the candles and lattes aren't quite doing it anymore, maybe it’s not that you’re doing happiness wrong.
Maybe you’re just being invited to go deeper.
Here are a few ways to begin:
Ask yourself not "What makes me feel good?" but "What gives my life meaning?"
Invest in relationships. Not just fun ones. Real ones.
Serve somewhere. Start small.
Create something. Not for likes, but for life.
Let yourself be changed by what you care about.
Joy through purpose doesn’t always sparkle. But it stays. It grows. And when the bath gets interrupted and the coffee grows cold, it’s still there.
